Blue Christmas

Christmas always make me sad. I love all the friends and family I have near me, and I love my husband, but Christmas always reminds me of the people who aren't where I am. I miss them more at this time of year than any other, and not just because of all the family get togethers. I get to the end of the year and it's another 365 days gone that I haven't been able to go for an early morning coffee with my mum, or shop with my sister, or hang out with my brothers and step dad.

I think it's my siblings that I miss most of all. My sister and I are very close, and I think about her at least once every day - when I see something in a shop I think she'd like, or I hear something funny that I know we'd both laugh at. I miss her a lot at this point in my life, when we're both trying to have a family and it's proving difficult for each of us in our own way. When we're each finally successful in that arena, it's going to kill me to think what I'm missing out on - seeing her be a mum or me, needing my big sis around to help me when I'm bewildered.

The eldest of my two younger brothers currently lives in China and before that he was living in Perth. Both of us took the biggest leap away from the nest and I wonder if he feels like I do. The yearning to be in the family fold but the need for independence dominating and keeping us away. I miss his easy going nature and his laugh.

I miss my youngest brother and his quietness. He's got a wicked sense of humour that comes out when he drops his shyness. I wish more people could see that - how funny he is. I sometimes wish I could peek inside his brain and see the thoughts he has. I know there's something brilliant in there that he's hiding from us all.

On the bright side, my sister and her man are coming out here this Christmas. They'll be here in 5 short days. They arrive on her birthday and I can't wait - it's been almost 2 years since I've seen her. It's the best possible present I could ask for, short of everyone coming with her. She brings with her a piece of home, and I've been missing that so much.