Friday, July 8, 2011

Work in Progress...

I need a transporter to get me here.
Well, I got as far as changing the background wallpaper for my blog.  That's progress, right?  Anyway, I haven't been lolling about on the couch and being a complete slacker but to see what I've been doing with my time, you'll have to click over to my craft blog.

As for my little experiment of trying to be a calmer, more positive person, I'm not really sure how to measure a change in myself and my attitude.  I guess I could ask The Boy but I'm afraid he might say I'm worse than ever.

I haven't busted out the yoga dvd's yet, so no progress there.  As for meditating, I've tried some traditional techniques which work well enough and I do enjoy it but I have been pretty sporadic with it.  Maybe I need to write up a schedule for myself.  See?  I really did need that day planner.

Having said that, I have been spending a lot of time in front of my sewing machine and for me, that has proven to be a kind of meditation in itself.  When I'm sewing many little strips of fabric together and the machine is making it's whirring noise, I can kind of remove my brain from the action and let my mind wander.  This has had a calming effect on me, so that's a bonus.  I can't spend 24 hours of every day sewing though, I really need to try and be more consistent with regular old meditation.

I've recently just found some podcasts to listen to regarding infertility and dealing with everything that goes along with that.  You'd think I'd know almost everything there is to know about being infertile and getting through the day.  I haven't learned anything that is really new to me but it's good to be reminded of some things every now and then.  The only downside is that listening to podcasts is basically the same as listening to talk radio and that makes me feel like I'm about 100.  

On the baby making front, I have my procedure coming up soon.  I'm not really looking forward to it, not because I'm afraid of hospitals or being put under, but because in my mind it's kind of become a turning point.  Once I have that done, The Boy and I will be getting much closer to going ahead with IUI .  These days IUI is extremely common and I know plenty of women who have had great success with it.  Objectively, I think IUI is a wonder (as is IVF) and I think it's great that such things are available.

The stumbling block for me, and I know that this is something I will need to get over, is that I don't want to do it.  I don't want to have to do it to become pregnant.  I'm a stubborn person and if I can't do something my way, I don't want to do it all.  That's not going to get me pregnant though so I have to work on letting go of those feelings.  It's hard to change your ways after 30 plus years though.

Hence, the hippy-dippy, meditation, yoga.  Maybe I need to get some birkenstocks, patchouli and a couple of peasant skirts.   Or maybe I just need a frontal lobotomy.